


Detective Alois Trancy

by monochromekiss



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-13
Updated: 2016-09-13
Packaged: 2018-08-14 22:26:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8031346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monochromekiss/pseuds/monochromekiss
Summary: One night Ciel has an accident and bumps his head. That much is obvious to everyone, but Alois Trancy is desperate to prove he can solve mysteries too. And so he tries his hardest to solve a murder that has no body, no evidence and no motive.





	Detective Alois Trancy

 

It was late in the evening when Ciel walked into his bedroom, locking the door behind him. He looked down at the embarrassing outfit Lizzie had given him, adorned with ribbons and shiny buttons. "Good grief…why do I have to wear this?" he mumbled. He stripped himself of his usual clothes before attempting to pull on the tight blue shorts of his new outfit. "damn it…" he groaned as he struggled to get them on. Suddenly he lost his balance, his feet getting caught up in the long fabric of the jacket that dangled off the edge of the bed. As he fell to the ground he hit his head on the bedside table, letting out a soft groan before he fell unconscious.

Sebastian was busy downstairs tending to Ciel's guests. Well, guests was perhaps the wrong word since they had invited themselves. Alois Trancy and his butler Claude, Prince Soma and Agni, and of course Lizzie had all taken it upon themselves to visit. Sebastian was the only one to notice the small thud that came from Ciel's room.

"If you'll excuse me, I'm going to check on the young master" Sebastian said suddenly as he turned to walk out of the room.

"Ciel is just changing into the totally adorable outfit I brought for him~" Lizzie told him as she followed him out of the room, but Sebastian continued to walk briskly to Ciel's room. He was sure something was wrong.

"Young master?" he called through the bedroom door. When he received no answer he tried to open the door but it was locked.

"What's happening? Is Ciel okay?" Lizzie asked. As Sebastian turned to answer her, he noticed all of the guests as well as the other servants standing there. Sebastian let out an annoyed sigh.

"You didn't all have to follow me" he groaned before pulling out a key from his waistcoat. As head butler of the Phantomhive household he had a master key which opened every door in the manor.

"Young master?!" Sebastian gasped after he opened the door, rushing to Ciel's side. Ciel was lying on the floor unconscious. His feet were tangled up in the fabric of the jacket, the blue shorts pulled halfway up his pale legs. There was a small trickle of blood dripping down the side of his face, and a small amount of blood stained the corner of the bedside table.

Sebastian gently picked Ciel up in his arms and laid him on the bed. "He must have tripped and hit his head while getting dressed. Baldroy, go and fetch some bandages from the bathroom" he said sternly as he turned to the others.

"Right away!" Baldroy replied, rushing to the en suite bathroom and bringing back the bandages. As they all gathered around Ciel, watching as Sebastian gently bandaged his wound none of them noticed Alois walking over to the wardrobe.

"He tripped and fell, hm? Or did he?!" Alois shouted in a booming voice. The others turned to look at him, giving him a puzzled look. Over his usual clothes he now wore one of the black capes and top hats that Ciel normally wore when he went out. He picked up Ciel's cane and pointed it towards the rest of the crowd.

"This… is a murder case!" he shouted.

"Your highness, he's still alive" Claude replied.

"He's not dead. He is merely unconscious" Sebastian added.

"Hmph, fine! Attempted murder case then!" Alois shouted back, waving his hand at them dismissively. "Either way, there's a mystery to be solved here. And I've always wanted to prove I can be a detective just like Ciel. And so I, the great Detective Alois Trancy will solve this case and shine light on the truth!" Alois said gleefully.

 _Well, actually, I'm normally the one who finds the information and presents it to the young master_ Sebastian thought to himself.

The rest of them stared at Alois in confusion. It was blatantly obvious that Ciel had merely tripped. Alois walked over to them slowly. "And now I will reveal the killer was…you!" he shouted, lifting the cane up and pointing it at Soma.

"Ehhh?! Why me?! I'd never hurt my best friend!" Soma gasped in surprise.

"How dare you insult my prince with these false accusations!" Agni added, glaring angrily at Alois.

"Oh, but you did. You see, you're the one here with the most obvious motive" Alois replied, lowering the cane. "A poor Indian who came to this country had enough luck to meet Ciel and socialise with the aristocracy. But it wasn't enough for you. You became jealous of Ciel's extreme wealth. You decided to steal some of Ciel's valuables from his room to make some money, but didn't realise Ciel was in here changing. When Ciel caught you red handed, you panicked and hit him over the head in an attempt to kill him, before making it look like a mere accident" Alois stated matter-of-factly, before grinning smugly.

"But I'm a prince…" Soma replied, looking confused.

"Prince Soma is from an incredibly wealthy upbringing. He has even more wealth than you or the young master" Sebastian added.

"He…wha…?" Alois asked, his mouth gaping open. He then quickly shook his head, smirking. "ahaha, yes of course! I already knew that! That was merely a lie to let the real murderer think they had gotten away with it. And the real murderer is…you, Elizabeth Midford!" Alois shouted, lifting the cane up once again and pointing it at Lizzie.

"Whaaa?! Id' never hurt my Ciieeelll!~ You're sooo mean!~" Lizzie moaned with a childish pout.

"Oh, wouldn't you? Consider this! A young girl who has been in love with the same boy all her life. Her one dream is to someday marry him and become his wife. How would she react if he was to tell her he didn't feel the same way? Ciel didn't love you and he told you so. So you brought that outfit here and asked him to wear it, knowing he would go to his room alone to change. That gave you the perfect opportunity to hit him over the head and kill him! And you planned from the very start to make it look like an accident!" Alois shouted, the same smug look from before appearing on his face.

"But how did she get in? The door was locked when Mr Sebastian came, it was" Meyrin murmured nervously.

"Oh, well…that…" Alois stuttered nervously, looking deep in thought. "Aha, yes! That was yet another ploy! The real culprit was in fact the maid and the chef!" Alois shouted, pointing the cane at Meyrin and then at Baldroy.

"What the hells wrong with this kid?" Baldroy asked, folding his arms across his chest.

"But we'd never hurt the young master, no we wouldn't" Meyrin gasped.

"But it's as you said, the door was locked. So the murderer would need a key. And who has a key to this room? The servants, of course! You two are involved in a secret relationship with one another! You asked Ciel if you could leave to get married but he refused. So you decided to kill him and elope together! You made it look like an accident before locking the door behind you!" Alois shouted, smirking smugly.

"They don't have a key to this room. Only I and the young master have a key, and there are no other copies." Sebastian stated matter-of-factly. He was getting tired of Alois playing detective, as they all were.

"Hmm? Well isn't it obvious? They stole Ciel's key!" Alois retorted back.

"No, they didn't. The young master's key is still here" Sebastian replied, pulling a small silver key from a drawer next to the bed.

"Ah, well…um…of course! They didn't need a key at all. Ciel locked the door himself. When the two of them left, Ciel struggled to his feet and tried to follow them. But as he reached the door he fell, accidentally locking the door by falling on to the handle. He then rolled to over here before he passed out." Alois said smugly as he pointed down at the spot on the floor where Ciel had been.

"Don't be ridiculous! He couldn't have rolled all the way from the door to there. And he was only half dressed and his feet were caught up in the fabric. He clearly tripped!" Sebastian said angrily, losing his temper. He let out an annoyed sigh and turned to Ciel, gently shaking him. "Young master, please wake up" he said.

"Don't do that! I haven't finished solving the case!" Alois shouted angrily.

"There is no case! Once the young master wakes up, he will tell us he just tripped and then you can stop this nonsense" Sebastian replied.

"Or will he? Are you really trying to wake him up or are you trying to finish him off?" Alois asked, lifting the cane up and pointing it at Sebastian. "Because the real culprit is you: Sebastian Michaelis!" he shouted.

"I'd never hurt the young master" Sebastian stated calmly.

"Oh, but you would. Ciel gives you a lot of work to do, and without any kind of break. Here's what really happened: You asked Ciel for a break but Ciel refused. He said he needed you to work every day. With no end of work in sight you decided to kill your own master! Don't deny it, you've more or less confessed already since only you had a key" Alois replied. He folded his arms across his chest and grinned at the butler.

"If I was going to try and kill the young master, why would I lock the door behind me so nobody else could be blamed for it?" Sebastian asked.

"Well, to make it look like an accident of course" Alois replied.

"But why lock the door behind me? It could have been an accident without the door being locked. And by locking the door, if it didn't look enough like an accident I would be incriminating myself." Sebastian argued.

"Well…" Alois trailed off, looking around the room thoughtfully. The rest of them watched him, hoping that would be the end of it. Alois suddenly gasped as he looked over to the window.

"Oh! Of course! I've been looking at this whole situation completely wrong!" Alois yelled as he rushed over to the window. "The door wasn't how the intruder got in. They came through the window!" he added as he turned back to them.

"But who would have been able to climb all the way up here?" Sebastian asked.

"I know one of you who are capable of climbing this high up. Yes, one of you is good at climbing" Alois replied, shaking his head sadly. "But I'm afraid I must apologise. This incident is partly my fault" he said in a sorrowful tone. "Because the real culprit is my butler, Claude!" Alois shouted, pointing the cane at his butler. Claude simply stared back at him completely expressionless.

"It's okay Claude. You don't need to explain. I know why you did it. You see, I'm so lonely living alone at my manor and I don't have any real friends besides Ciel" Alois said sadly.

 _You and Ciel are not friends at all_ Sebastian thought to himself as he rolled his eyes.

"Claude felt sorry for me because I was lonely. As my butler, he wanted to give me the friend I so desperately wanted. He must have asked Ciel to come and live with me, but when Ciel refused he lost his temper and hit him over the head." Alois sighed and turned away from his butler, placing his hand on his heart.

"Oh Claude, thank you for your efforts, but I never wanted you to go this far" Alois gasped. "And locking the door to frame Sebastian is too cruel. I know you hate him, but it's too much!" Alois shouted, pretending to wipe tears from his eyes.

"Are you quite finished with your stories?" Sebastian asked, looking incredibly displeased.

"They're not stories! I'm a great detective just like Ciel and I'm going to solve this case!" Alois shouted back, stomping his foot against the floor.

At that moment Ciel started to stir, his eyes slowly fluttering open. "Seb...Sebastian?" he mumbled as he started to wake.

"Young master, you're finally awake. Are you okay?" Sebastian asked, looking down at him with a worried look. Alois walked over and joined the rest of them around Ciel's bed.

"ah…I'm fine… I just slipped and banged my head" Ciel replied as he sat up slowly.

"No! Don't ruin the case!" Alois shouted, picking up his cane and smacking it against Ciel's head without thinking. Ciel let out a groan of pain before falling back down on to the bed. Sebastian turned to glare at Alois, his eyes flashing magenta.

"You just hurt my young master" he growled angrily, a dark aura forming around him. Alois gulped nervously, running out of the room.

"ahh! I only wanted to be a detective!" he screamed as he ran away.

Ciel's eyes fluttered open again as he let out an annoyed sigh. "Ah… why do I know so many annoying people?" he groaned.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yep, I know. This was a very silly crack fic, but it was my attempt at being funny. Hope you guys enjoyed it anyway


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